My new boss recently told me how impressed she was by my dedication. I didn’t know what to say. Partially because I am socially awkward and partially because I don’t feel very dedicated these days. I have been hitting my 3 days of running but cutting back on speed and mileage has often left me feeling a little low. A little uninspired. Running’s always hard but sometimes it’s so hard you wonder what the hell you keep doing it for.
Why do we put ourselves through it? Why do we commit to the craziness? Some get up at the crack of dawn to get in a run. Others run at night in the dark. Runner’s run tired and injured and cranky and mad and sad and hungry. We run when it’s freezing cold outside, or when it feels like the side of the sun. Running in the rain can be fun until you fall on your ass. Running puts you at risk of crazies, inattentive drivers or animal attacks. You could run on a treadmill but sometimes you wind up feeling like a hamster on a wheel. Squeak, squeak.
And your body? Something usually aches. It could be a hip or a knee. Your ankle or crappy shins. Tight calves or hamstrings. Black toenails, no toenails, hide those feet! In my case, a crappy stomach. But we keep running. What person voluntarily chooses a sport that has a side effect called “runner’s trots”? I think we’re all slightly masochistic or just a little crazy. What does Einstein say about insanity?
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Oh yeah, that. Lets not even talk about the mind games we play with ourselves. Even when I don’t want to run, I want to run. How does that even make sense?
Work ran late every day this week and on Thursday I had little to no desire to run. I was looking for a reason not to. I wasn’t injured and my stomach felt average for me these days. I have been in a funk and just felt meh. I just wanted to veg in a chair and catch up on my DVR. I wasn’t even hungry and didn’t want to eat. Which is very, very rare for me. But I changed into my gear anyways. Drove back to town and decided to run the river path. Daylight was fading fast but I had zero desire to run on the treadmill. That is coming soon enough. I just wanted to get it over with, if darkness cut it shorter so be it.
Running has become a chore lately and it’s been awhile since I have had good run. There have been decent miles here and there but all runs were less than stellar. It’s a big reason why I am working on getting back out on the trails. I set out for Thursday’s run not expecting or hoping for much. My warm up was little shorter due to the twilight hour. I started running waiting for the cough that would come or the stomach cramp that joins on all runs these days. My run went something like this-
1/4 mile in – oh jumping Rottweiler please don’t jump that fence and attack me. Are you on a trampoline?! 1/2 mile in- may as well start running. 1 mile in- no huffing and puffing. 1.5 miles in-still no cramp. 2 miles in -breathing still easy, no wheezing and still no cramping. Hmmm, this is nice. The weather is the perfect temp right now, and the sky looks so pretty at dusk. Oh the streetlights are on, that’s kind of cool. Can I run all of mile 3? Haven’t done that in a while, let’s try. Yay, I’m still running and I feel good. Damn this darkness, I want to run more. I feel like I could keep going for miles. Breathing is still easy, sweet. 5K mark, time to cool down, kind of dark now, oh and some interesting looking, umm, kids smoking on that bench. Run is officially over.
And that is why I keep banging my head against a wall. Sometimes the stars align and you experience a glorious run. It wasn’t long and it wasn’t fast but that wasn’t the point. The point was how I felt during and after. It was kind of awesome. Running is work, but the reward is worth it.
Thanks for listening to me ramble.
Who’s with me?
Why do you keep running?
Any quirks you want to add to the list?
Have a great weekend!
Slacker Runner 
Beautiful post Falyn!!!!! That sooooo explains it all in a nutshell. I have felt everyone of those emotions. And that’s why run because the best runs always come when we don’t want to run or we don’t expect a good run. I’m so glad you had an amazing run!!! You totally deserved it! 🙂
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Thank you! It was hard to post because sometimes I wonder if what makes sense in my head makes sense in print. Particularly thoughts I have while running or about running 🙂
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No worries Falyn!!! Those sometimes make the best posts in my opinion 🙂
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Love this. Yes to all of it. Mostly I keep running because it makes me happy. So awesome that you had a great run!
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It’s funny that all it takes is one great run to take all the weeks of poor ones and turn it all around. Thanks, it will keep me smiling for awhile!
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This is a great post…I agree 100%! I think for me it’s that feeling of accomplishment at the end of a run that I chase. I have my third and final half marathon for the year tomorrow and I’ve been thinking about cutting back on racing next year…and now that I have a week of rest on the horizon I’m finding myself thinking about all the 5k races I want to do before the end of the year!! Haha. I hope you find your groove….maybe switch things up for a bit?
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Thanks! I hope your race went well! This year was race heavy for me as well. When I realized that my body was just not cooperating I dropped back. October has been a race free month and it was actually kind of nice. I plan to a do a few more 5K’s and I am playing around on the trails too. 🙂
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Running is such a trickster! It seems it can sense when I want to quit running & then grants me a run like you described. Happy to hear it went well.
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Right? Just when we are ready to let go, it pulls us back!
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I totally understand where you are coming from! With the dark in the morning these days, I was getting really tired of running. I decided to completely switch things up. I started going to a park after work and then one morning I met with friends a few minutes away. It made the runs so much better, and I noticed I went a lot faster!
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I am not looking forward to the time change, that puts me on the treadmill at least 2x a week. It’s hard to keep the motivation up. I need to get someone to meet me at the gym during the week. 🙂
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Haha, this is great. Hope their ‘smoking’ didn’t mess with your head too much. I’m with you, it’s never really easy, even when it feels ‘easy’. I was so sore after my half marathon on Sat, and then had to hope a plane for Houston for the Emmys. Was out late partying. Got up Sunday and went for a run. Haha – I even saw a half marathon going on and ran to it to cheer for runners. What is wrong with us?
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Haha right? That section gets sketchy in the evenings. Races are worst to run by! It’s equal parts motivation and equal parts guilt because you’re not running it. Wow, I don’t know if I would have run on Sunday after all that, nice!
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A little delayed response, but I’m with you! I feel like most of the time I’m miserable while I run, but for those moments where everything is perfect and I feel strong and the sky is pretty and everything else, it makes it all feel worth it 🙂
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It’s those runs where the clouds part and everything seems so shiny that keep us slogging through the misery. I just wish they weren’t so few and far between!
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