Brain Dump-Marathon Edition

I’m freaking the frak out over here.  Be warned- this will be disjointed and rambling.

What the hell was I thinking? I am a Slacker- slacker’s don’t run marathons!

I’ve been a hot mess for 2 weeks.  Wednesday- I dropped a 5 gallon water jug on my foot.  It was full.  I was bitten by a spider.    Lunch made me sick.  Figured out later that the water bottle also bruised my lower stomach.

Thursday- I fell off my chair.  The spider bite grew.  I drew lines around it.   I ate Burger King while waiting in the car wash line- it was glorious.

It’s not the miles that are freaking me out- not really.

Thanks to my Fitbit, I know that every time I think about the marathon, my pulse jumps.

Back to the freakout- it’s the fog.   My last race kind of scared me.  What the hell was I thinking running a race in a city that named the fog?!?!?!   Damn Karl.

Why have I never bought a pair of blue compression socks?  I have no idea what I am wearing.  Running clothes are strewn everywhere.

This was the most solid training I have ever done but I don’t feel trained.   2 months of Hansons Marathon method training for a 4:30 and I felt pretty good.   Then my shins threw a bitch fit.  2 months of doing what I could destroyed any confidence the first 2 months built.

What if I can’t finish?  What if I fail? Do I consider that a failure? Do you consider that a failure?  How do you tell people? Well, I really tried.  

Or what if I push too far?  What if I should quite but don’t?  So many questions!

We’re stuck between 2 fires and have had an air quality alert for days.  It’s not like my lungs are getting a break.

My legs hurt and I have a wierd phantom limp.

I miss my heals.  And flip flops.   I am so over living only in running shoes, flats and Vans.

And on and on.    I think I just needed to vent.

Thanks for reading.๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜›๐Ÿ˜ฌ

18 Comments

  1. oh my goodness, stop it! You have done this mileage before, so you can do it again. You have already created a patronus, so you can do it again! This is within your reach, and you can listen to your body and find a pace that feels good. Stop and take a selfie and tweet us at the water breaks. And for the love of all that is shiny – SMILE! Send those good hormones to your brain! When you start to freak, just stop, breath and smile. You got this Fallon. I ran a full 5k this morning and thought about you several times and what an inspiration you are, not because you are running a marathon, but because you dared. You didn’t let anything stop you. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
    Smile. This entire adventure is just one big shiny!

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    1. I need to keep thinking about the positive things, I swear I may write them on my arm. I am looking forward to taking lots of pictures but am concerned about the lifespan of my phone. I am thinking that I should have picked up one of those external charger things.
      Thank you so much for all your positive words and thoughts. I will be remembering them on Sunday!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds like your typical first marathon taper madness ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Hang in there. And remember to have fun!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m trying, thank you!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Rae says:

    BREATHE. Just breathe, Fallon. You’ve done everything you could to prepare, all you can do now is show up and give it your best. You know that my first marathon attempt DEFINITELY didn’t go the way I wanted to, and that’s the thing: You just never know. It might be way better than you think. It might be way worse (scary, but true). All you can do is arrive at the start line this weekend and try. Pick your comfiest running clothes, Body Glide the shit out of everything, triple check that you pack all your fuel and gear, and just do it. I believe in you!

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    1. I am trying to stay calm and take deep breaths. I did just run to Big 5 to buy some more Body Glide. ๐Ÿ˜› Figured it couldn’t hurt. I am still so bummed that your race turned out like it did, I’m sorry.

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      1. Rae says:

        Don’t worry about me, just go kick ass!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. txa1265 says:

    What everyone else said – breathe in, breathe out … slow down. You’ve got this – you’ve done the hard work, you can do the mileage trust in yourself, trust in your training. I can’t wait to hear how it all goes!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I go through moments of staying calm and trusting my training and then moments where I feel absolutely unprepared. I just need to relax and see what happens! Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. OMG. You are like a chicken with its head cut off!! lol!! Breathe, girl, breathe!

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    1. Haha, right? I am trying to!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Sounds like you have a lovely case of the taper crazies! You’ll get thru it!! You are going to have an awesome race, I can feel it!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

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    1. Thank you! Fingers crossed! I am focusing in deep breaths right now. ๐Ÿ˜›

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Seconded as to taper blues! Seriously, this is all totally normal and it happens to me with every. Single. Race. You will finish, you will do great and you will have a blast!! Good luck!

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    1. Thank you!!! I think my nerves and the stress of everything just broke me a little last week. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  8. dgobs says:

    I believe in you, Fallon! I’ll keep my fingers crossed that Karl behaves himself (and makes himself scarce). However this race goes, you’re awesome for doing it, and enjoy the experience and the new views and have delicious food in SF and run smart! (A brain dump post can have brain dump comments, right?) Go, Slacker, go!!

    Like

    1. Thank you!! Karl had his moments but it was ok. I ate a lot of In n Out, does that count as good food? Brain dump comments are the best!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. dgobs says:

        In n Out ALWAYS counts as good food! ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

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