26- Fade

Remember when we thought 2020 was going to be so awesome?

I take it all back.

My poor little town needs a break. Fire is a common occurrence out here, very common but I wasn’t ready for fire to come roaring out of the riverbed into the surrounding neighborhoods. And this a week after the southern part of the county had the largest fire we’ve seen in years. All homes were saved in the southern fire, not the same can be said for our small town. There was another midsize fire over the weekend too. Which again is sadly normal.

And for the love of Pete, stop it with the fireworks!

Ok, running…

Monday was lost to fire, and Tuesday was pretty smokey too.

Just cuz she’s cute..

Wednesday turned into a tilt-o-whirl. Is that what those things are called? The day started out normal but turned south just before lunch. The world started spinning and it didn’t want to stop. I ended up leaving work early which is something that does not come easily to me. I then slept the day away.

The tilt-o-whirl then left me fuzzy for a few days. At least I know it was migraine related but that does make 2 world spinning trips in the last 5 months and that is not normal.

My weekend was spent mostly napping but I did drag myself out for a sluggish 5K on Sunday. My heart rate throughout those short miles let me know I was still a little rough. And a lot out of shape. So it makes total sense that I just signed up for a mileage challenge right?


How was your week?

25- Baby Steps

Last week was better.

Well, a mountain lion moved into one of the elementary schools but that’s far closer to normal than the previous week.

I was still coming up with any reason not to run. Too hot, too much wind. I ate too much, I didn’t eat enough. Don’t want to wash my hair, forgot my shoes. Yada, yada.

I knew I was in my head and spooked due to the previous week’s events but I couldn’t seem to shake myself loose.

I watched lots of Disney movies in the evenings in an effort to distract myself. And finally on Saturday, I ran.

I slept in but made myself run as soon as I got up. I headed across town to run the river path. Although the river bed made me nervous, I was reassured by the number of people out. I swear I have never seen so many walkers, runners, and cyclists out on the path before. It was kind of awesome. It was by no means crowded but the number of people was kind of nice. And everyone smiled as people passed.

As for the running, it was kind of rough, but really what can I expect considering how unmotivated I have been this year? But it was still a little over 4 miles.

I then somehow had a burst on inspiration and cleaned my car and overhauled my closet and dresser. Also forgot to eat until I was trying to figure out why I was so lightheaded. Oops.

Sunday, I headed out for a late morning run in my neighborhood. Forced myself to run in both locations this weekend. However I knew shortly after starting my run that it would be more of a walk. Apparently I am so out of shape that 2 days of running in over 80* temps was too much. Ha!

So 6ish miles for the week. Yep.

How was your week?

24- Fear

I am behind this week as I didn’t know what to write or how to.

Last week was rough.

I live in a smallish town. We’re quaint and cute and prior to COVID, tourists flocked to town for either the lake, the close ocean beaches, the outdoor concert venues or the literally hundreds of wineries and breweries. It’s entirely possible to see a Tesla and horse drawn carriage in downtown on the same day. I can literally run across town and back in a long run and go from a thriving downtown to pastures filled with cows and back again. If you drink wine or beer, you might know our name, if not, then you’d have a hard time pronouncing it.

Last week we made the national news.
Last Wednesday I woke to a shelter in place order- there was an active shooter downtown.

I didn’t know how to process it. I still don’t. It wasn’t long before the texts started coming in- what do we do? I work downtown. We told everyone to stay home.

As the news was updating and more information coming in, I realized the fireworks I had slammed my bedroom closed against in the dark of the morning had not been fireworks.

Even as I am writing this, I still don’t understand. It was 2 days of chaos that we may never have answers for. A family lost their dad as he ran into the wrong person at the wrong time and 4 officers from various agencies were hurt before it ended.

I haven’t run outside in my town since before that day.

As runners we often feel like a mile can be the farthest thing ever, lying in bed on Wednesday night, hearing the CHP helicopters and plane circling, a mile was not far enough.

Giant Race- San Jose

Disclaimer: I received an entry into Giant Race- San Jose as part of being a BibRave Pro. Learn more about becoming a BibRave Pro (ambassador), and check out BibRave.com to review find and write race reviews!

I was so pumped to run this race this year.

Then came COVID and with it a complete lack of motivation to run or work out on my part. Which hasn’t been helpful for me at all. But that’s not the point.

I had orginally registerd for the 5 mile but come race day, I knew I was not there. Which is sad but true. So I dropped to the 5k. I would like to think I would have done the same if the race had still taken placed as planned but we all know I don’t make the best choices.

Race day round the home town

On race day of June 6, I laced up, geared up and headed out. The advantage to a virtual race is that you can pick a good route- i.e one with a downhill finish. And if you count my warm up and cool down, I did do 5 miles.

Ok, back to the “race”. I decided to attempt to run it at a race effort. Yeah, downhill didn’t help.

11:49, 12:32, 12:12 for splits and 38:00 flat for the 5k.

Slower then my very first 5K back in 2010 and I felt like I worked much harder. However seeing it on the tiny watch screen was a little depressing.

Sacramento’s gear

I am looking forward to receiving my race swag in the mail soon though. Based on what I got with the Sacramento race, I know I will actually wear this race shirts again.

That said I was glad I made myself make the effort. And this marks race 2 of the Giant’s series for me- I “ran” Sacramento in April. We’ll see what happens in September with San Francisco.

22/23 Headspace

Hello, again.

I have been struggling with motivation all year. In fact I am struggling with lots of things these days. I thought I was handling life since lockdown better- I mean I was a homebody before and I still got to go to work so in some ways not much changed.

But so much did. And that was before the job/office transfer.

I’m tired all the time, I come home after work and fall asleep. I sleep in on the weekends but still pass out for naps. I am having trouble sleeping and having trippy dreams when I do.

I’m not running, barely moving. Did I mention my new office is a 2 story with stairs and my daily steps are still crap? I know I feel better when I run but I can’t seem to make myself get out the door. There are times I change into my running clothes with the intention to run but end up napping instead. I set alarms to get up in the morning and am barely conscious as I hit snooze. I ran exactly twice in the last 2 weeks. One very hot 2.5 miler and a mashed up 5K-5Miler for Giants San Jose Virtual.

I am eating better than I was- both pre lock down and intense snacking in the beginning of lock down. That’s something, right?

Years ago, I used to get depressed around May- June. Well, I called it my dark place but I always linked it to graduation. Everyone would be posting about their plans post high school (small town life) and I was not happy in my job then. I worked with good people and made decent money for the time but that time of year would remind me that I could have tried harder or made different choices. I haven’t felt like that in years as I really do like my current job and coworkers so I don’t think I can blame my current ennui on that. 2016 would have been a different story but that’s not the point.

Actually, I don’t know what the point is. I also don’t know if it matters.

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