I’ve been a little radio silent this week which is odd because I can’t shut my brain up or calm the hell down.
I don’t know if it’s the rain, the longer commute now that my usual road is closed, the fact that I have a race this weekend that I woefully under trained for, or that we were supposed to learn more about the merger this week. Whatever it is, I have been freaking out all week. Giant ball of stress over here.
The extra drive might not be so bad if wasn’t for the rain. The rain is ridiculous. One way means I have to go 15 miles further south before turning back north to get to work via another highway. You know the rain is intense when everyone is voluntarily driving 30 where they usually do 80 with no honking horns or tailgating. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve hydroplaned. So I took another way on Wednesday. Still longer and how I would get to work on Saturdays. Yeah, no. I can’t do that road in the dark. Something about knowing there’s a 2000 ft drop to my right just freaks me out, throw in rain and fog and I don’t think I could grip the steering wheel any tighter. I realize this is nuts as my normal commute is through a canyon prone to landslides on one side with a steep drop on the other but I’ve driven that road for the last 4 years.
This rain is intense. We’ve lost 2 more roads- they’ve washed away. New verdict is my road won’t re-open until mid February. 😢 I need to get over this driving stress soon.
Thursday I actually googled the differences between the symptoms of panic attacks and heart attacks. Hypochondriac, much? I’ve been freaking out at the oddest times. Feeling like my pulse is racing and oddly nauseous. What is wrong with me?!?!?!? I keep checking my heart rate on my Fitbit constantly. There were other reasons I looked it up let’s just leave it at that.
Finally, I had enough and with a break in the weather, I bolted and ran. For 35 blissful minutes, my brain was calm. All I could think about was not falling on my face in the dark- dodge the branches. Well that and how loud I was huffing and puffing at the end of a little 3 miler. I just told myself it was because mile 3 gains 100+ feet. Let me lie to myself ok?
I just need to chill. I need to be more like the guy who saw the streets were too flooded to drive and thought- “well, I’ll just ride my surfboard”.
How do you get to that level of Chill?