freak out – Slacker Runner

Disclaimer: I received an entry into Big Sur International Marathon as part of being a BibRave Pro. Learn more about becoming a BibRave Pro (ambassador), and check out BibRave.com to review find and write race reviews!

And I spoke too soon.

The nerves came a callin’. Ok, they came slamming in. My sleep patterns have gotten worse, if that’s possible My heart rates jumps at random moments- I really need to stop looking at my watch. Oh lord, what was I thinking??

Don’t get me wrong, I am excited for this weekend but right now the anxiety is winning. I mean I was slower than planned in San Francisco, am I going to pull this off?

I mean- no big deal, right?

Elevation

And most people would be worried about the part in the red circle. But nope, I’m worried about the blue circle. That flat is going to hurt. I’m not a fan of flat. But then this may make me change my mind about hills.

Oh and have I ever mentioned that I have a thing about bridges? I don’t like them. Nope. You may be thinking- but wait- Fallon, you ran 2 races across the Golden Gate Bridge. Yup and it was so damn fogged over with marine layer both times I could lie to myself about the whole bridge part. And no, it’s not the heights part- it’s the bridge. This bridge is gorgeous but I am a little anxious.

However, let’s focus on the positive- Mai, Aly, Martin and Diane will be there. Other BibRave Pros I haven’t met will be there. The views off of Highway 1 are amazing- I drove home via my tiny portion of it tonight just to calm myself down. The Monterey Half remains one of my favorite races, if Big Sur is anything like that, I will be so happy. I will need to carry an extra battery for my phone which I need to figure out but it’s worth it.

I have a tentative strategy for the race but it’s kind of crazy so I won’t even type it.

Wish me luck.

Any tips to help me calm down????

I’ve been a little radio silent this week which is odd because I can’t shut my brain up or calm the hell down.

I don’t know if it’s the rain, the longer commute now that my usual road is closed, the fact that I have a race this weekend that I woefully under trained for, or that we were supposed to learn more about the merger this week. Whatever it is, I have been freaking out all week. Giant ball of stress over here.

The extra drive might not be so bad if wasn’t for the rain. The rain is ridiculous. One way means I have to go 15 miles further south before turning back north to get to work via another highway. You know the rain is intense when everyone is voluntarily driving 30 where they usually do 80 with no honking horns or tailgating. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve hydroplaned. So I took another way on Wednesday. Still longer and how I would get to work on Saturdays. Yeah, no. I can’t do that road in the dark. Something about knowing there’s a 2000 ft drop to my right just freaks me out, throw in rain and fog and I don’t think I could grip the steering wheel any tighter. I realize this is nuts as my normal commute is through a canyon prone to landslides on one side with a steep drop on the other but I’ve driven that road for the last 4 years.

This rain is intense. We’ve lost 2 more roads- they’ve washed away. New verdict is my road won’t re-open until mid February. 😢 I need to get over this driving stress soon.

Thursday I actually googled the differences between the symptoms of panic attacks and heart attacks. Hypochondriac, much? I’ve been freaking out at the oddest times. Feeling like my pulse is racing and oddly nauseous. What is wrong with me?!?!?!? I keep checking my heart rate on my Fitbit constantly. There were other reasons I looked it up let’s just leave it at that.

Finally, I had enough and with a break in the weather, I bolted and ran. For 35 blissful minutes, my brain was calm. All I could think about was not falling on my face in the dark- dodge the branches. Well that and how loud I was huffing and puffing at the end of a little 3 miler. I just told myself it was because mile 3 gains 100+ feet. Let me lie to myself ok?