It’s funny the way that music brings back memories, or even just a feeling.
The last time I downloaded music onto my phone was around 2016-2017. Then streaming services started to take over and instead of choosing each song individually and intentionally and paying 1.99 for it, the monthly fee took over and music was just available with little to no deliberation. It no longer required thought.
That said, I have an Iphone and did back then too. Granted back then it was a smaller version and I didn’t use iCloud so anything downloaded onto the phone had to be chosen very carefully, after all it took up valuable space. But the beauty of IPhones is that everything just gets pushed forward with each new device.
I recently went on a 9 hour road trip and as we expected when in the middle of nowhere, I lost connectivity. Streaming was out but I also can’t have silence when driving or I get sleepy. So I pulled up Apple Music and put those old playlists on shuffle.
Y’all those songs sent me back to when I was a different person. Back when I knew what I was doing. I liked who I was, I liked my job and my coworkers and I loved how running made me feel. Some of those songs are still in today’s rotation but they way they tie in with other songs I haven’t heard in years just hits different.
Which then made me have to admit I lost that person. And they have been missing for sometime now.
I don’t know where I am going or what I am doing. The things that used to make me happy just frustrate the hell out of me now. Everything got harder and I responded by burying it all in sleep and laziness. Or just general avoidance with anything.
I used to love running. Now it’s hard and depresses me. I used to love my job, now the stress is making my hair fall out. I used to love reading, now I have next to no attention span. I used to love writing this blog, aforementioned attention span also killed that. I used to be bitchier but was still nicer. Now, I’m too burned out to give a shit.
I don’t know where I am going with this but maybe it’s time I try to find what I lost. Can I dig myself out the hole I’ve created or is the ground too unstable.
Slacker Runner 