I have been struggling with motivation all year. In fact I am struggling with lots of things these days. I thought I was handling life since lockdown better- I mean I was a homebody before and I still got to go to work so in some ways not much changed.
But so much did. And that was before the job/office transfer.
I’m tired all the time, I come home after work and fall asleep. I sleep in on the weekends but still pass out for naps. I am having trouble sleeping and having trippy dreams when I do.
I’m not running, barely moving. Did I mention my new office is a 2 story with stairs and my daily steps are still crap? I know I feel better when I run but I can’t seem to make myself get out the door. There are times I change into my running clothes with the intention to run but end up napping instead. I set alarms to get up in the morning and am barely conscious as I hit snooze. I ran exactly twice in the last 2 weeks. One very hot 2.5 miler and a mashed up 5K-5Miler for Giants San Jose Virtual.
I am eating better than I was- both pre lock down and intense snacking in the beginning of lock down. That’s something, right?
Years ago, I used to get depressed around May- June. Well, I called it my dark place but I always linked it to graduation. Everyone would be posting about their plans post high school (small town life) and I was not happy in my job then. I worked with good people and made decent money for the time but that time of year would remind me that I could have tried harder or made different choices. I haven’t felt like that in years as I really do like my current job and coworkers so I don’t think I can blame my current ennui on that. 2016 would have been a different story but that’s not the point.
Actually, I don’t know what the point is. I also don’t know if it matters.