Tag: angst

State of My Head

I feel all over the place this week.  Truthfully probably for longer than that.   * I started this yesterday but zoned out in front of a Law and Order episode.  I don’t even like Law and Order.

I feel like I am falling short pretty much everywhere.   I feel like I am over promising and under delivering on a daily basis.   I feel inadequate.

Work-I’ve been telling myself that I’m not stressed but that’s denial talking.   I can’t even remember to call the doctor on my lunch.  I’ve had to make an appointment with my dermatologist for the last 4 months yet I never seem to remember to do that on lunch.   I fall asleep instead.  I stumble over my words on a daily basis, my hand writing looks like crap.  Well, it always did but now it’s worse.  🙂    Don’t get me wrong, I really like my job, I’m just a little fried.   I fell like I am short changing the new hires.    There is so much I want to show them I just can’t figure out how to.

A few weeks ago I applied for an open internal position.   It was different from what I am doing now- more research less people interaction.  Something I never thought I’d want but it sounded it so awesome that I couldn’t pass it up.   So I applied and then interviewed.  Then lived on tenterhooks for 3 weeks.   I don’t think I realized how much I wanted the position until I didn’t get it.   I started crying on my way home last night.  Ugh.     I really wanted to shove a pizza in my face.    Instead I rode 11.5 miles on the bike and ate some gluten free granola.  Then zoned out in front of the computer and ending up eating tortilla chips later.

Running– I haven’t felt like running this week.  Like at all.  Normally I look forward to my runs.  Yes, sometimes as the day wears on I can lose some of that energy but I always start the day looking forward to a run.  This week not so much.    I have had zero desire to run.  Yet, I’ve changed my clothes and gone running just like my plan says.   Tuesday evening’s run was pretty good but I just wasn’t feeling it.   I was that horrible cranky faced runner who didn’t smile at anyone I passed.  And the path was full of people!   It wasn’t that I wasn’t trying to smile, it’s that the smile looked more like a growl.   That doesn’t bode well for a race weekend.

Let’s be Real–  Speaking of races, I feel like I am woefully under trained and not ready for what’s coming.  This weekend is one of my favorite races of the year but I can’t forget how badly last year went.  When my mother was so pissed that I completed the 5K she walked home.    On the upshot- race morning is predicted to be in the 80’s so the chance of heavy fog seems low.   I’ll deal with the warmth… hopefully.

Oh and my goal race- let’s be real here.  I am not breaking 2.   My speed work was hit and miss and running and goal half marathon pace never really happened.   Was I stoked about the paces I hit in my intervals?  Yes.  But hitting a pace for 3-6 minutes followed by a walk break does not bode well for a consistent 9:00 pace for 13 miles.  That will be a dream to hang on to for another day.

Ok, enough dreary, I need to dig my way out of the hole I am burrowing into.  I need to find my shiny.  So here we go-

Work–  I have a great crew.  Working with them makes the day a little better. 

And that view
 Running–   I know that I can.  I know that I will.  It will just take longer.  And that sunset up there?  I never used to notice those.   Oddly enough, running has brought back the photographer in me.    I’ve just moved on from wedding pictures and almond blossoms to shoe selfies and sunsets.

Falling short– Yeah, this one’s a little harder.  This may take some time.  One foot in front of the other right?

Thanks for listening to me whine the state of my head.  If you made it this far.  🙂

How do you deal with stress? Any tips?

What’s an odd benefit you’ve gained from running?

Happy Friday!