State of My Head

I feel all over the place this week.  Truthfully probably for longer than that.   * I started this yesterday but zoned out in front of a Law and Order episode.  I don’t even like Law and Order.

I feel like I am falling short pretty much everywhere.   I feel like I am over promising and under delivering on a daily basis.   I feel inadequate.

Work-I’ve been telling myself that I’m not stressed but that’s denial talking.   I can’t even remember to call the doctor on my lunch.  I’ve had to make an appointment with my dermatologist for the last 4 months yet I never seem to remember to do that on lunch.   I fall asleep instead.  I stumble over my words on a daily basis, my hand writing looks like crap.  Well, it always did but now it’s worse.  🙂    Don’t get me wrong, I really like my job, I’m just a little fried.   I fell like I am short changing the new hires.    There is so much I want to show them I just can’t figure out how to.

A few weeks ago I applied for an open internal position.   It was different from what I am doing now- more research less people interaction.  Something I never thought I’d want but it sounded it so awesome that I couldn’t pass it up.   So I applied and then interviewed.  Then lived on tenterhooks for 3 weeks.   I don’t think I realized how much I wanted the position until I didn’t get it.   I started crying on my way home last night.  Ugh.     I really wanted to shove a pizza in my face.    Instead I rode 11.5 miles on the bike and ate some gluten free granola.  Then zoned out in front of the computer and ending up eating tortilla chips later.

Running– I haven’t felt like running this week.  Like at all.  Normally I look forward to my runs.  Yes, sometimes as the day wears on I can lose some of that energy but I always start the day looking forward to a run.  This week not so much.    I have had zero desire to run.  Yet, I’ve changed my clothes and gone running just like my plan says.   Tuesday evening’s run was pretty good but I just wasn’t feeling it.   I was that horrible cranky faced runner who didn’t smile at anyone I passed.  And the path was full of people!   It wasn’t that I wasn’t trying to smile, it’s that the smile looked more like a growl.   That doesn’t bode well for a race weekend.

Let’s be Real–  Speaking of races, I feel like I am woefully under trained and not ready for what’s coming.  This weekend is one of my favorite races of the year but I can’t forget how badly last year went.  When my mother was so pissed that I completed the 5K she walked home.    On the upshot- race morning is predicted to be in the 80’s so the chance of heavy fog seems low.   I’ll deal with the warmth… hopefully.

Oh and my goal race- let’s be real here.  I am not breaking 2.   My speed work was hit and miss and running and goal half marathon pace never really happened.   Was I stoked about the paces I hit in my intervals?  Yes.  But hitting a pace for 3-6 minutes followed by a walk break does not bode well for a consistent 9:00 pace for 13 miles.  That will be a dream to hang on to for another day.

Ok, enough dreary, I need to dig my way out of the hole I am burrowing into.  I need to find my shiny.  So here we go-

Work–  I have a great crew.  Working with them makes the day a little better. 

And that view
 Running–   I know that I can.  I know that I will.  It will just take longer.  And that sunset up there?  I never used to notice those.   Oddly enough, running has brought back the photographer in me.    I’ve just moved on from wedding pictures and almond blossoms to shoe selfies and sunsets.

Falling short– Yeah, this one’s a little harder.  This may take some time.  One foot in front of the other right?

Thanks for listening to me whine the state of my head.  If you made it this far.  🙂

How do you deal with stress? Any tips?

What’s an odd benefit you’ve gained from running?

Happy Friday!

25 Comments on “State of My Head

  1. Falling short at least means you’re trying! I feel like that sometimes too! But you’ve got your race to look forward to, and even if it doesn’t go to plan or you have a complete shocker of a race day (which I’m sure you won’t) it’ll be done and dusted, and you can take a bit of time to just chill and recover 🙂


  2. I think everyone has days/weeks that you described. And I think the best way to handle it is just what you’re doing. Fake it until it becomes real again! Just got through a few weeks of my own like that. I loose my appetite too during those periods. Now I’ve emerged from the other side 5 pounds lighter! So I guess a positive there!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wish I lost my appetite, I think I am going to come out this 5+ pounds heavier! Why is food such a comfort when I am stressed? Why can’t I be one of those people who run it out? Sorry to hear you had a rough few weeks too!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Boo, I’m sorry you didn’t get the job! That’s always tough. Sending positive vibes your way to help pull you out of your funk!


  4. All the pressure we put on ourselves can be very tough. We often expect so much, that we overload ourselves and end up feeling like we fall short – at least I do! I always try to take a step back and remember what is truly important in life, and do something for myself – even just a quick manicure or pedicure. Helps me reset and refocus. Hope you have a great weekend!


    • Stepping back is a good idea, I admit I have troubles doing that. I’ve never had a pedicure but I am thinking I really need one after my races are over in November. That would be something to look forward to. Hopefully my feet won’t scare them!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hang in there! We all have bad head-state weeks, I especially get them at the end of training. But just like a crappy long run, this too will end! (At some point.) Running taught me to just keep moving, and if you really can’t stand it anymore, change up your route. = )


  6. My favorite proverb is Japanese and goes “Fall seven times get up eight”
    That’s what I try and live by, as I’m a big Type A control freak want to do it all myself to make sure it gets done right and end up killing myself in the process, so yeah, Fall 7 times, get up 8.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Wow, I don’t think I would have got out of bed for a few days after that. This too shall pass. When one door closes another opens. Running has helped me manage my mood swings (hate them), I am able to control my anger a little better than I used to. I really hope you have a great weekend, try to relax, you deserve it


    • Ha, I admit I really just want to hide in bed for a few days. I am afraid to think what my temper would be like without running! Scary. 🙂 Thank you, have a great weekend!


  8. Sorry you didn’t get that job. That sucks. It’s hard to muster up run energy when you’re exhausted mentally and a bit defeated to boot. And don’t worry about being bummed out about this stuff. You can’t always be positive about things. You’ll have a great upswing eventually and it will feel that much sweeter!


  9. I’m sorry you had a rough week, and that you didn’t get the job you wanted 😦 That’s always a bummer, especially when it’s an internal position. Maybe this just means that something even more awesome is waiting for you down the road! I’m not the best with dealing with stress, but zoning out helps me sometimes, especially with good music. Or going for an aimless walk. Or venting. Keep looking at the positives and I hope next week is better!


    • Music has been helpful this week. I just downloaded the new Shinedown and it’s not bad when you’re feeling angry. 🙂 I hoping that this post helped me vent most of thoughts and that my outlook may improve a bit. Fingers crossed. 🙂 Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. You know what…sometimes Idk how I deal with stress. But I do. Maybe not always in the best way (I often shove pizzas in my mouth), but I’m human. And so are you. You have great goals. You can see the silver linings. Sometimes we just get stressed out and need to take a step back. Evaluate what’s going on. See those silver linings. And “whine” about it. If I couldn’t whine about it, I’d be a disaster. My best advice, that I don’t always take, be mindful that you are stressing, sit with it, and let it pass. Don’t judge it or yourself. It will pass:) and good luck at the race!!


    • Why does pizza sounds so amazing during stressful times?! I think my venting helped a bit, it was definitely better than keeping it bottled in. That wasn’t working so well. My goal is to just keep looking for the shiny in each week. I forgot that for a while. Thank you!


  11. Pingback: Week 16?- Blah | Slacker Runner

  12. I’ve been having similar feelings. I get so overwhelmed with everything… But I want to do everything… And I can’t seem to find the motivation or time to do it all. Dealing with stress is hard. I try to do yoga, drink more water and less diet coke (caffeine doesn’t help anxiety), or sometimes I just write it all out on paper. It helps me to see what is really going on when it’s on paper rather than when it is jumbled in my head. Sorry and I hope you are feeling better!!


    • It’s a vicious cycle- I want to do everything but I can’t so I don’t. Then I stress about what’s not working and around and around. Oddly enough, caffeine usually does calm me down. I need to find a yoga I can stick to. I know it may help with stress, I just can’t find one that peaks my interest. Thank you!


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