I don’t recall the exact date but I know that I started running in 2010.  Or at least attempting to then.  My first race was that fall.   Since then I have run 13 half marathons and more than a few 5k’s and 10k’s.   All that aside, more often than not, I still feel like a poser.   Like I am only playing pretend with running.   Instead of dressing up in my mother’s clothes like a little kid, I am putting on short shorts, sports bras and compression socks and just hoping I fit in.   Oh and my ever present Garmin.

I was one of those people who said I would never run, hated it.  Drove past people running and wondered what the hell they were thinking.   Then a friend signed up for Team In Training.  Seeing her go through training for a marathon and let’s be truthful, I didn’t like the way my clothes fit, I thought maybe I would try running.    However I still didn’t start running until I purchased my first iPhone.  I didn’t want to carry a phone and my ipod, I didn’t even think about water,  #priorities.    🙂   Even that little beginning was walking.  For a while I used those crazy rocker Sketchers shoes that were popular for a very short time.  Yeah, that hurt my shins.    Then that same friend pretty much bought my first pair of running shoes.  I actually started running.  But I felt awkward and out of place.  I was torn between wanting to walk when cars drove past so they didn’t see me huffing and puffing and running faster so I looked less like a turtle when they passed.     Then a few customers asked if that was me they had seen running past their house.   Ummm, maybe?   I would ask where they lived so I could make sure to run past their houses every time after that and walk when I was around the corner.   🙂  #poser

Then came races.  Cue the doubts.  Man, these people look fast.  What was I thinking?   Oh, look at all their pretty gear.   I wonder what that does?  Hmmm, those shoes look interesting.    Hell, I ran in cotton shirts and tennis shorts for over a year.  Plus side was big pockets.   Oh and I put on weight.  Grrrrr.    That wasn’t the plan.  Running was hit and miss, I’d run 6 days in a row and then take a month off, then throw in a random race.   Training plan wasn’t even part of my vocabulary.

Then something changed.  Running became less a way to burn some calories and more something I needed to do.    Along the way,  I picked up some speed and set a few PR’s.   Hey, that’s kind of cool.   My clothes changed, my accessories multiplied both by quantity and cost and can now fill a box in the trunk of my car.    But there were times I still felt out of place, like I was waiting to be told I couldn’t hang with the cool kids.    I would stalk online race times for every race I signed up for just to make sure I wasn’t going to be last.

There are still moments, hell entire runs, where I feel like a wannabe.    Days when walking seems to be all I can do, or at least seems more efficient than the slow crawl, hobble thing I was doing other wise.   When I think everyone passing is wondering if they are gonna have to help me to my car.   Then there are the runs that start off hellishly but end on a note that leaves me feeling awesome and ready for more.  There are still race mornings when I show up feeling outclassed and outnumbered but what happens between that starting gun and finish line can be pretty unifying.

In the last few weeks I have had more #poser moments than #runner.  But those runner moments make it all worth it.  And leave me feeling the deep thoughts.   🙂   Oh and coming in last at a race?  #beentheredonethat and it’s no big deal.  And I love my compression socks.    Time to get my run on.   Well, not right now, it’s dark out.   🙂

Ever feel like a #poser?

When was your last awesome running moment?