I don’t recall the exact date but I know that I started running in 2010. Or at least attempting to then. My first race was that fall. Since then I have run 13 half marathons and more than a few 5k’s and 10k’s. All that aside, more often than not, I still feel like a poser. Like I am only playing pretend with running. Instead of dressing up in my mother’s clothes like a little kid, I am putting on short shorts, sports bras and compression socks and just hoping I fit in. Oh and my ever present Garmin.
I was one of those people who said I would never run, hated it. Drove past people running and wondered what the hell they were thinking. Then a friend signed up for Team In Training. Seeing her go through training for a marathon and let’s be truthful, I didn’t like the way my clothes fit, I thought maybe I would try running. However I still didn’t start running until I purchased my first iPhone. I didn’t want to carry a phone and my ipod, I didn’t even think about water, #priorities. 🙂 Even that little beginning was walking. For a while I used those crazy rocker Sketchers shoes that were popular for a very short time. Yeah, that hurt my shins. Then that same friend pretty much bought my first pair of running shoes. I actually started running. But I felt awkward and out of place. I was torn between wanting to walk when cars drove past so they didn’t see me huffing and puffing and running faster so I looked less like a turtle when they passed. Then a few customers asked if that was me they had seen running past their house. Ummm, maybe? I would ask where they lived so I could make sure to run past their houses every time after that and walk when I was around the corner. 🙂 #poser
Then came races. Cue the doubts. Man, these people look fast. What was I thinking? Oh, look at all their pretty gear. I wonder what that does? Hmmm, those shoes look interesting. Hell, I ran in cotton shirts and tennis shorts for over a year. Plus side was big pockets. Oh and I put on weight. Grrrrr. That wasn’t the plan. Running was hit and miss, I’d run 6 days in a row and then take a month off, then throw in a random race. Training plan wasn’t even part of my vocabulary.
Then something changed. Running became less a way to burn some calories and more something I needed to do. Along the way, I picked up some speed and set a few PR’s. Hey, that’s kind of cool. My clothes changed, my accessories multiplied both by quantity and cost and can now fill a box in the trunk of my car. But there were times I still felt out of place, like I was waiting to be told I couldn’t hang with the cool kids. I would stalk online race times for every race I signed up for just to make sure I wasn’t going to be last.
There are still moments, hell entire runs, where I feel like a wannabe. Days when walking seems to be all I can do, or at least seems more efficient than the slow crawl, hobble thing I was doing other wise. When I think everyone passing is wondering if they are gonna have to help me to my car. Then there are the runs that start off hellishly but end on a note that leaves me feeling awesome and ready for more. There are still race mornings when I show up feeling outclassed and outnumbered but what happens between that starting gun and finish line can be pretty unifying.
In the last few weeks I have had more #poser moments than #runner. But those runner moments make it all worth it. And leave me feeling the deep thoughts. 🙂 Oh and coming in last at a race? #beentheredonethat and it’s no big deal. And I love my compression socks. Time to get my run on. Well, not right now, it’s dark out. 🙂
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