Category: Slacker

22/23 Headspace

Hello, again.

I have been struggling with motivation all year. In fact I am struggling with lots of things these days. I thought I was handling life since lockdown better- I mean I was a homebody before and I still got to go to work so in some ways not much changed.

But so much did. And that was before the job/office transfer.

I’m tired all the time, I come home after work and fall asleep. I sleep in on the weekends but still pass out for naps. I am having trouble sleeping and having trippy dreams when I do.

I’m not running, barely moving. Did I mention my new office is a 2 story with stairs and my daily steps are still crap? I know I feel better when I run but I can’t seem to make myself get out the door. There are times I change into my running clothes with the intention to run but end up napping instead. I set alarms to get up in the morning and am barely conscious as I hit snooze. I ran exactly twice in the last 2 weeks. One very hot 2.5 miler and a mashed up 5K-5Miler for Giants San Jose Virtual.

I am eating better than I was- both pre lock down and intense snacking in the beginning of lock down. That’s something, right?

Years ago, I used to get depressed around May- June. Well, I called it my dark place but I always linked it to graduation. Everyone would be posting about their plans post high school (small town life) and I was not happy in my job then. I worked with good people and made decent money for the time but that time of year would remind me that I could have tried harder or made different choices. I haven’t felt like that in years as I really do like my current job and coworkers so I don’t think I can blame my current ennui on that. 2016 would have been a different story but that’s not the point.

Actually, I don’t know what the point is. I also don’t know if it matters.

Rambling On 68

Happy Friday!!

And a 3 day weekend. Mentally I need it. I really do. Especially as next week brings change.

If you are reading this on Friday, today marks my last day in my current office. When I transferred there last April, I had no idea it would only be for a year. I mean I spent 6 years in the previous location and 5 in the one before that. In fact I found out about the transfer 2 days after my year anniversary in my office. It’s a big change but I’m ready.

Well mostly- why do I have so much stuff??? Seriously, I’ve been packing and organizing all week. The amount of water bottles and containers and things I have in the kitchen alone- did I move in??? Oh, and let’s not forget the NutriBullet.

Also, I gave myself the last month to become a morning runner… Fail. Didn’t make it out once.

I also need to stop online shopping. Some things were purchased as a wardrobe refresh before next week but how do I explain the Lululemon? Other than it was cute? Or the sunglasses? Actually the best purchase wast the Cake Batter Carmex. Best thing ever. It’s the little things.

I keep trying to find something to watch as background noise but I can’t find anything to that is both distracting and mildly entertaining as background noise. Any thoughts?

Ok, think I’ve rambled in enough even if I feel like I’m forgetting something…

How are you?

17-Again

Another week, another… well something.

I think I need to stop waiting for things to calm down. It’s just adding stress. I feel like a giant stress ball these days. I know I am not the only one. I used to think I handled stress well. Ha!

Then the heatwave hit town and people got super cranky. And road ragey. I swear there were almost 3 accidents on my way home from work. Someone just let me hide.

And help, my mother keeps sending me TikTok videos. 😂

I made it out for a run on Monday! Except, I didn’t. All day long I was looking forward to my run. I changed after work and headed for my neighborhood. Once I started it was like the past few weeks caught up to me and I was so tired and just not feeling it. So instead I walked and breathed and just tried to look at things differently. Like how did I miss all the 50-60 foot tall trees? Sometimes it pays to slow down. 2 miles.

Plan was to take Tuesday off and run on Wednesday. I mean it was Earth Day! Except I didn’t run and right now I can’t remember why.

I did make it out on Thursday. It was warm and I was slow but other than that I felt pretty ok. I am getting the feeling that I am going to need to adjust to the heat rather quickly this year. 3ish miles.

I actually took my running gear on Friday but I don’t know why. HA!

Saturday morning arrived and I woke knowing the the migraine that had been lurking around the corner was now front and center. I tried to sleep in to fight it but failed. I barely did anything but hide in a dark room and rest on Saturday. Boo.

Sunday was more dealing with the migraine hangover. And a fight with a broken ceiling fan. We were not defeated though and a new fan is spinning away as I type.

So, yeah 5ish miles for the week. I am really struggling with motivation right now. Again.

How was your week?

16- Maintain

This weeks snack obsession- Cheetos. The crunchy ones.

I have mentioned I am a stress eater, right?

Actually last week was a little better. I think. A little calmer at work, a few less carbs. Anyone else eating an impressive amount of banana bread?? Runner was better and my sleep was…well, can’t win ’em all.

I can’ remember anything particular about Monday so let’s just move on to Tuesday. I headed out for a few miles after work. Still running my neighborhood but I park at another work office not far from my house. Anything to avoid my damn driveway. I kept the run short and sweet- 2 miles– it was almost 80 and everyone and their brother was out. I’ve been running variations of this route for almost 10 years; I think I saw more people on Tuesday than I had in those 10 years combined.

Wednesday was another warm day so I didn’t even try to run. Knew the weather was changing soon.

Yep, a 20 degree temp drop on Thursday meant empty roads. I headed out for an easy-ish 5k after work. Easy-ish- I am so out of shape. And even though I am skipping my driveway, I am still running more hills than in the last year or so. This run saw a few hundred elevation gain/loss. Beginning to realize running more places over the past few years actually made me lazier. Oops.

Friday was stress and I just wanted to go home and hide. So I did. I resorted to one of my comfort movies and watched Battleship for the umpteenth time.

Saturday, I ventured out for a few essentials. Then I headed out for a few miles in the early afternoon. 5 miles. Longest run since Napa Valley. Ouch. The middle miles were fairly steady but I was dragging by mile 5. The only upside is that I didn’t allow myself to stop- no breaks. It’s been a while since I did that. Ok, I did stop once for a moment but that was because I had to make a route choice when I was essentially chasing another runner. That kind of doesn’t work right now.

Sunday, I woke with a knot in the hamstring area of my left leg. Odd, never felt anything there before. I was debating if running would help or hurt when my choice was made for me. I ended up being called into work and was there until dinner. I did finally prove that I could make it to my desk phone from the other side of the building before it went to voicemail. The difference between heels and running shoes- ha!

10ish miles and 3 runs for the week. Still small but a marked improvement over previous weeks.

How was your week?

15- Anxiety

I don’t have all the answers.
We’re making it up as we go.
I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve forgotten something vitally important.
I feel like I am letting everyone down.
I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I can’t shut my brain up these past few weeks. I can barely sleep Sunday and Monday nights. I need to run more than I am, not just because I am out of shape but my brain needs the cutoff. That’s one plus to being so out of running fitness, all my brain power goes to trying not break on the run.

I told myself to run everyday after work last week, but I didn’t. On Thursday I swapped the run with venturing off for groceries after work. My hope was that Thursday evening would be better than Saturday morning. It wasn’t bad but it was errily quiet too.

As an extra boost of motivation, I signed up for a few virtual races one night while staring at the tv. One of those races was the Giants Race- Sacramento 5K. Why not?

I headed out for my virtual race on Saturday afternoon. It was nice and sunny, and I figured why not? Even for a virtual race, I went way too fast out of the gate and flamed out hard by the end. I knew I was out of shape and this just kind of proved it ha! It took me 36 minutes to run a 5k! My PR is like 10 minutes faster, ha! Once I added in the warm up, I was just under for 4 miles for the day. Oh and I broke the cardinal rule of “race” day- wore something new. Oh the chafe!

I meant to run on Sunday. It was cold and cloudy and kind of perfect. But that also made it perfect to laze around under a blanket and watch tv. Can you guess which one won?

So this week, I have a new goal… try to get my head on straight. Everything else will fall in line right?

How was your week?