Tag: stress


Where did January go? How is this even possible?

Hell, considering I started this post on Monday and it’s now Friday that you are reading it… where did the week go?

I did not get in the miles I had hoped in January. I ended the month with 25 ish miles. Which if we are being honest, is kind of on par with the last few months. Stupid 2020.

I really had hoped for more but the month went by stupid fast. I think I have whiplash, ha. Work got a little chaotic-like. First general busy-ness then a surprise inspection followed by a big maintenance project that I totally wanted but wasn’t ready for. Don’t get me wrong, I am glad it was done but wow was I unprepared for one day to become last week. And this week.

January saw road miles and dirt miles. 2 very different views of the Pacific Ocean, both good. Still on the fence about the trail shoes but hopefully getting there.

With my time flying realization, it also occurred to me that I have races in the next few months, I should probably get on a training plan for. Oops. I have the Napa Valley Perfect Pairing (virtual), the Oakland Marathon half (virtual) which I should downgrade to the 10K. Then a maybe IRL race- Saguaro Half Marathon out in Tucson. All in the next 8ish weeks.

Proving that I still don’t look at calendars well.

A Moment

Running wise, January has gotten off to a slower start than I had hoped for.

Life wise, holy crap, where is the brake? How is it almost February???? I need a moment. Or 5.

Also, if this post reads a little disjointed, it might be that I have been trying to write it for 5 day but keep dozing off in my chair. Oops.

I haven’t been a complete lay about. I have made it out for a few runs and finally got the spin bike in the house and shoes ordered. However I have only used the bike once since the shoes arrived. Oops?? I also signed for that 2 month Peleton free trial but with no onboard computer on the bike, who knows what I am actually doing?

I’ve had a few decent runs and some very slow ones. Spent some time in the dirt and got my new trail shoes dirty. Actually it’s been a long time since I felt like a kid on the trails. It was fun aiming for the rockiest parts instead of taking it easy like I have for the past year or so. Still not sold on the shoes though, it’s been a long stretch of bad luck, so I am not ready to commit just yet.

I have high hopes for the weekend and running but forecasters are predicting we might actually get rain. Say what? It can’t be real. We won’t know how to react!!! No but seriously, rain is desperately needed so as long as it comes in nice and slow, bring it on. Thunderstorms and burn scars make for a bad combo.

We just finished a big, surprise audit at work so my brain may take a little vacation this weekend. It’s been a busy, hectic, chaotic week or so. Maybe I’ll take a nap this weekend.

How has your January been?

Peace Out 2020

I really shouldn’t have said so many bad things about 2019. 2020 was just cackling in the background.

However, instead of digging into the dumpster fire that it was, lets talk about something else.
So, yes, last year went according to no plan but there were some things that didn’t suck.

I ran 2 IRL races. One local 8 miler in January with no medals or bibs or shirts so I kind of feel like I have nothing to show for it. Oh wait- a blog post here!

I ran half marathon #40 on March 1 in Napa. Yeah, not what I had hoped for half #40 but maybe indicative of the shi**storm that was coming. If you missed the sh*tshow- here’s a post!

Then the world went, well you know and my motivation took a huge nosedive. My first canceled race was in mid- March and it went downhill from there.

But moving on.

Work went cuckoo in April and then I received news that I was transferring offices in May. 3 times the size of my current one, so I guess I’m doing something right? I feel like I hit the ground running and haven’t stopped since.

Most of my canceled races transitioned to virtual, very few deferred or postponed. I also signed up for a few virtual challenges. However it took months for any semblance of motivation to come back. I’m still not sure it’s back but I am getting there. Maybe. That’s another post.

So…. yearly mileage. Yeah. I saw a number I haven’t seen since the first year or 2 when I was running. I ran 327 miles in 2020. Yay??

No, it’s not great but it is better than it could have been. When I say I was lazy outside of work- I was lazy. I am only now beginning to realize my stress level and my coping are not where they should be.

For a year with no miles, I may have the biggest medal haul yet-

Not sure how I feel about that. And some are not in this picture as I don’t feel I earned them. Something for 2021 right??

Oh- I did escape to the Grand Canyon and Sedona in the fall. First time as an adult and now I can’t wait to get back there.

Also, I have either optimistically or naively signed up for real race in 2021. Fingers crossed!


In the grand scheme of things, last week didn’t suck.

I ran some, walked some, and napped some.
Worked a lot, got a little dizzy. You know, the usual.

I did 2 5K’s last week.

The first one was a toasty one on Wednesday evening after work. But it wasn’t too bad. It actually ended up being more of a walk as my mother was out there too and I kept running- no pun intended- into her. It’s hard to run and talk these days. Yeah, that’s what I will keep telling myself.

Friday saw me feeling like my blood sugar was crashing, skin went clammy and and I had the shakes. And my first quasi panic attack wearing a mask. I dealt with it and made it through work- with my mask on- but I was so damn tired by the time the day was done . I picked a bad year to finally decide I needed nose surgery. That’s what you get for putting things off. I thought surgery was scary before, ha!

I was still feeling a little rough on Saturday but I headed out for a short run. It was another warm one as well as a another 3 miler. Well… at least I am consistently short! Actually it was a decent run. I think I have finally accepted where I am pace wise these days. Still trying to find the inner motivation again though.

Which is why Sunday saw me napping instead of running. My nose has been affecting my sleep as well so I know that contributes to my tiredness. But I could also be using it as a cop out too.

I feel like I wanted to write something else about last week but I can’t seem to recall what it was! Oops! I barely know what day it is anymore and I’ve been going to work like normal this whole time, ha!

How was your week?

Full Circle

It’s slowly dawned on me that I’ve come full circle.

I started running in 2010. I was at my highest weight and feeling gross and out of shape. I had been counseled at work for less than professional dress- apparently I looked frumpy. Work sponsored a Fun Run every year- though true story- this was more legit road race than fun run, it seriously warped my view of how races were run for the longest time. A friend was training for a marathon. I thought why not??

So I started changing at work and attempting a run right after work. I was so out shape, I hoped no one I knew saw me running. Or walking. Every now and then a customer would say that they saw me out there. I would always where they lived so I could be sure to run past their house on future runs and not walk.

Slowly I ran more and more, the weight started to come off and I started to get faster. I ran more races and discovered PR’s and bling. I learned that even though I am a socially awkward people person, I loved the camaraderie of races- everyone grumbling at the early morning starts, long lines at port -a -potties and the people you encounter throughout the course.

Then, I started to go backwards. My times got slower and the weight starting coming back. With a vengeance. Running became harder and I was struggling to keep my motivation.

I’ve run 40 half marathons, 2 marathons and countless other distances but now, I can barely make myself get out the door.

L-R-2nd half, PR half, half 39

When I do, I remember what I love about running even though it is harder than ever. I took that above mentioned highest weight ever in 2010 and not only met it but raised it another 40 pounds. And yes, while the weight does make it harder, I also realize my deep running ennui with life right now is the biggest stumbling block.

I was changing after work to go for a run last week (for the first time since I transferred back) and that’s when it hit me. I am back in the same office I was in when I started running all those years ago. I feel just as awkward now as I did then. I’ve come full circle. I think my shame at what I let happen has overpowered everything else.

How did I let it happen?
How do I start over?