Tag: stress

22/23 Headspace

Hello, again.

I have been struggling with motivation all year. In fact I am struggling with lots of things these days. I thought I was handling life since lockdown better- I mean I was a homebody before and I still got to go to work so in some ways not much changed.

But so much did. And that was before the job/office transfer.

I’m tired all the time, I come home after work and fall asleep. I sleep in on the weekends but still pass out for naps. I am having trouble sleeping and having trippy dreams when I do.

I’m not running, barely moving. Did I mention my new office is a 2 story with stairs and my daily steps are still crap? I know I feel better when I run but I can’t seem to make myself get out the door. There are times I change into my running clothes with the intention to run but end up napping instead. I set alarms to get up in the morning and am barely conscious as I hit snooze. I ran exactly twice in the last 2 weeks. One very hot 2.5 miler and a mashed up 5K-5Miler for Giants San Jose Virtual.

I am eating better than I was- both pre lock down and intense snacking in the beginning of lock down. That’s something, right?

Years ago, I used to get depressed around May- June. Well, I called it my dark place but I always linked it to graduation. Everyone would be posting about their plans post high school (small town life) and I was not happy in my job then. I worked with good people and made decent money for the time but that time of year would remind me that I could have tried harder or made different choices. I haven’t felt like that in years as I really do like my current job and coworkers so I don’t think I can blame my current ennui on that. 2016 would have been a different story but that’s not the point.

Actually, I don’t know what the point is. I also don’t know if it matters.

20- Zombie

After last week, I was feeling much more enthusiastic and ready to run. I was getting back on track, yes.

Monday wasn’t too crazy at work and I was looking forward to my post work run. I started to feel a little weird but chalked to up to eating less than normal that day. Changed and headed to my running spot. 1/4 mile in, I almost passed out. There was a bench a little further and I sat there for 10+ minutes trying to figure it out. I threw in the towel and turned around. Just under 3/4 of a mile and then I went home and napped. At 6 in the afternoon.

Tuesday through Thursday was more of the same. I know that high stress periods can get me rundown which if I ignore turns into full blown sick. Not only do I now have time for that, this is also not the best time to be sick. I napped a lot those evenings after work. Hell, I napped a lot last week.

Fridays have been interesting since the lockdown. Technically our hours are shorter but we also don’t start wrapping up until the last customer is done. Which is fine but it’s hard to get a handle on Fridays.

I had planned on running on Saturday but another nap won out. Oops. I did enjoy lunch in the park though before that.

The plan was to sleep in on Sunday and then go for an afternoon run. The first part of that happened… but then I picked up a book. And decided to read the whole thing. Oops. So, I guess I worked out my brain?

So yeah, that was a lackluster week in so many ways. However, I figure I needed it as a big change is coming soon and I need to be firing on an all cylinders. Combine that with the current states of affairs and I may need to reassess my running goals for this year.

How was your week?

19- Tide

I think I finally found some calm last week.

It wasn’t all sunshine and roses but the stress level decreased, I slept a little better and things were generally calmer. I am still sitting on some news before sharing it here but I was able to share it with the people who needed to know. Ok, that sounded more ominous than I meant it to.

And last week was full of creature encounters. We had a lizard get in the building at work and it took us 3 days to catch it and release it. A spider was lurking above my bed. A bat or a bird flew into my bedroom window in the middle of the night.

Anyways.

I was feeling spunky on Monday so I headed out for a few miles. I returned to the river path and while I stuck to the paved path, it was glorious. I so missed that route. I was equal parts impressed and embarrassed when an 8 year blew past me. He was on his way down the hill and I was going up. I didn’t feel any better when he blew past me when we were going the opposite directions either. Ha!! I did wonder why he was by himself though. While I loved the air and route of my run, my legs informed me that I should have rested after the previous day’s trail adventures. 3+ish miles.

Tuesday saw me listening to my protesting calves and sore foot and resting.

I was eager to run on Wednesday but my stomach had other plans. My rule of thumb is that if I am still getting sick 30 minutes before closing, running isn’t happening.

So of course, Thursday was the hottest day of the year so far. 95 degrees. I am slow as it is these days, so I was not ashamed of any walking. I ran when I wanted to and walked when I wanted to. I did keep it short though- 2 miles.

Work things were happening on Friday and I was looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

Saturday and I promised my mother for Mother’s Day we could try the beach for a run as long as it wasn’t crowded. Yay for clouds! She walked and I ran. I knew the humidity was going to do a number on my lungs so I told her I was only going to do 3 miles. Then I figured the pier had to be less than 2 miles from the dog beach where we started and I wanted to get to the pier. I was very wrong. The pier was 5k from the dog beach, ha! So my 3 mile run turned into 6 plus. I also have the habit of never checking the tide so I was racing the high tide. Some places I came to a crawl as I had to go over rocks. My shoes and socks were so drenched that I took them off after 5 miles and did the last bit barefoot.

As I had already cleared more miles this week than so many of the past weeks, I wasn’t stressing a run on Sunday. Instead, I finally cleaned my car. Oh boy, it needed it. And tires but that’s another story.

So just under 12 miles for the week. It’s sad that that is an improvement but it is what it is. Gotta keep moving forward.

How was your week?

18- Farce

I am my own worst enemy and I know this.

However this knowledge doesn’t prevent me from continuing to self sabotage.

We close an hour earlier right now. So even when we are running late it’s not as late as it used to be. Is this helping me run more? It should be but instead I am at my lowest mileage in years. And this was going to be a marathon year. Now, that is highly unlikely for a variety of reasons.

I’m not having a pity party here but keep hoping that the more I acknowledge it, the sooner I might actually start to work on new habits.

However that was not last week. Last week, I only ran twice. And let’s be real, both times had more walking than running. But really any time outside moving is helpful to my mindset but I can’t seem to force myself out there.

I braved the heat for a few miles on Tuesday. I am not ready for the 90+ temps yet so kept it short and sweet with a little over 2 miles. Sluggish ones but they weren’t too bad otherwise.

Then it was a lot of telling myself to run every day after work but not following through.

Saturday rolled around and while I thought about running, I chilled with a book or 2 and took a long nap. More like coma and it included some trippy dreams too. Even running ones- I dreamed the whole bottom of my feet were blisters. It was so real, I even checked my feet when I woke up. Ha!

On Sunday, I ventured a few minutes away from my house- seriously less than 10- and hit up a trail. It has a brutal uphill-in-direct-sun beast so I was hoping it would be empty. It wasn’t but everyone maintained distance well. And I decided to go straight up the hard way. Ok, maybe I was dared, but damn my legs were shaking after that climb. The sunshine and dirt was exactly what I needed.

This is no way looks my route. It also shows my elevation gain as zero. Boo

I forgot my watch so I tried my Coros pod and app and clearly I don’t know how to work it properly.

So a little less than 5 miles for the week.

My goal is try and conquer the whole morning runner thing…. I just don’t know how.

How was your week?

Ramblin On 67

It’s been a while, I feel some rambling coming on.

I’ve started to realize how much I lie to myself. Ok, maybe not lie but definite denial. And the oddest thing made me realize it. We were talking about movie tastes at work and I was saying that I am not a fan of anything violent like horror movies or crime movies. Then that evening I realized what a liar I was as I was watching a TV show about mostly about murders and reading my book about homicide detectives. Lies!

What’s sad is I was convinced I was telling the truth. So what else have I erroneously convinced myself of?

Running has been more hit than miss these days. I am trying not to stress about it but stress comes so easy these days.

It doesn’t help that we seem to have skipped Spring. I feel like we went from 50 to 90. I am not ready for that.

I finally caved and started watching The Mandalorian. Still not sure how I feel about it. And I am going to get some hate for this but is it me or does it have Firefly vibes?

I was planning on going to 2 concerts this spring. Papa Roach and Shinedown were playing in LA- April and May, respectively- and damn it, I was going. Infest turned 20 in April and I was finally going to see them. Instead, all concerts are canceled and I am blasting music in my car like I am 20. Who needs to hear anyways?

Oh, I bought my first pair of blue light blocking glasses. Not sure how I feel about those either.

Oh and change is coming… but I can’t talk about it. Ha!

Happy Friday! I’m looking forward to my weekend nap.

How are you holding up?