Full Circle

It’s slowly dawned on me that I’ve come full circle.

I started running in 2010. I was at my highest weight and feeling gross and out of shape. I had been counseled at work for less than professional dress- apparently I looked frumpy. Work sponsored a Fun Run every year- though true story- this was more legit road race than fun run, it seriously warped my view of how races were run for the longest time. A friend was training for a marathon. I thought why not??

So I started changing at work and attempting a run right after work. I was so out shape, I hoped no one I knew saw me running. Or walking. Every now and then a customer would say that they saw me out there. I would always where they lived so I could be sure to run past their house on future runs and not walk.

Slowly I ran more and more, the weight started to come off and I started to get faster. I ran more races and discovered PR’s and bling. I learned that even though I am a socially awkward people person, I loved the camaraderie of races- everyone grumbling at the early morning starts, long lines at port -a -potties and the people you encounter throughout the course.

Then, I started to go backwards. My times got slower and the weight starting coming back. With a vengeance. Running became harder and I was struggling to keep my motivation.

I’ve run 40 half marathons, 2 marathons and countless other distances but now, I can barely make myself get out the door.

L-R-2nd half, PR half, half 39

When I do, I remember what I love about running even though it is harder than ever. I took that above mentioned highest weight ever in 2010 and not only met it but raised it another 40 pounds. And yes, while the weight does make it harder, I also realize my deep running ennui with life right now is the biggest stumbling block.

I was changing after work to go for a run last week (for the first time since I transferred back) and that’s when it hit me. I am back in the same office I was in when I started running all those years ago. I feel just as awkward now as I did then. I’ve come full circle. I think my shame at what I let happen has overpowered everything else.

How did I let it happen?
How do I start over?

28-Older

I took a hard turn into Funk Town last week. It was a long stop over. I may still be there.

I don’t know if it’s work being crazy busy, the impending birthday, my lack of running, lack of motivation or current events that is getting to me or all of the above. Throw in some back pain and I had every excuse in the book for last week. Not that I needed any, I just wallowed.

I may be a mediocre runner but boy am I a good wallower. I think I spelled that wrong. Or it’s not a word.

And Heli, because why not?

In case you haven’t guessed by now, I did not run last week. Or work out at all. Well unless you count lifting heavy boxes at work. You can’t count climbing the stairs because they still kick my ass. I should probably start making myself use the upstairs bathroom. Also, I know my back pain is partially due to my switch back to a stand up desk. I don’t have it quite right yet. I have a stool for sitting and I do but I miss my desk chair, ha!

Last week wasn’t all crazy. I may have done a little indulgent online shopping. Maybe. Did I order myself a pair of running shoes just because they would look good with jeans? Maybe.

I had a slice of very indulgent cake.

I found masks that I could talk with and not inhale and wear for 8-9 hours. Thanks Athleta. I may have to buy more. Prior to that, my best one was from Miles and Pace but I can’t wear the camo to work. Boo.

I watched a very weird, dark tv show- Fortitude. Finished season 1 and still not sure how I feel about it. Taking a moment before season 2. I also still need to replace my DVD player so I can stop paying to rent movies I already own on Amazon. I am sure they love it though.

I ate good food. Maybe too much. Sunday was my birthday and I admit I was feeling a little food drunk. I also could have just been feeling the 105* weekend though. Maybe a combo of both.

Oh and if you read my last post, I caught the giant spider. At least I am telling myself it was the same spider.

I wonder, do my running shoes miss me?

How was your week?

Rambling on ??

I’ve been playing hide and seek with a giant spider in my bedroom since Saturday. Send help.

But I did get a new pillow this week that sure is comfy for all that tossing and turning.

I’m barely running, have 2 pairs of shoes in my closet in boxes and yet I just ordered another pair because they might look good with jeans.🤣

I now have so many masks, I could wear a different one every day. However I still can’t find one that’s comfortable for 8+ hours. The search continues…

Speaking of work, I used to feel strong and on top of things, lately I just feel inadequate. Ok, that might apply in a lot of areas right now.

Our fair was canceled but they are having drive up fair food weekends. I am trying to decide how much I want a funnel cake. Hmmm.

Maybe it’s all impending birthday ennui???

Tell me something random😀

27-July

Dudes, it’s July.

How is that even possible?

I finished June with a measly 21 miles. Not surprising as I retreated into a dark corner after all the trauma in my town. I almost called it drama but that is not accurate, trauma is.

Last week was more trying to regain some calm. In some ways it worked, in others not so much. People’s obsession with fireworks was not helpful at all but also expected.

All that aside, last week was actually not bad when it comes to workouts- I worked out 5 times. I don’t even know who I am?!

After much consideration, I re-upped my Beachbody account. I wasn’t fond of the gym before Covid, I have no desire to go back anytime soon. That and my sedentary- ness has got to give. I do have to say that the Amazon Fire stick is a game changer. Having the workout videos on my tv as apposed to my laptop or cellphone is so much better. I completed Week 1 of Liift 4 on Monday, Tuesday and Sunday. Yeah, I got a little distracted in the middle of the week.

Thursday, I was feeling lazy. I hadn’t run after work since transferring to the new office…over a month ago. I headed home with the intention of being lazy but instead squeezed in a short 20 ish minutes- 1.5ish miles. Forward progress is the point right??

Work on Friday was insane, I just went home and hid in a dark corner. No long weekend for me.

The weekend was a warm and I slept late on Saturday. When it came time to run, it was 100*, so I napped instead. Oops.

Did I learn my lesson for Sunday? Nope. Did a Liift4 workout and then headed out. Depending on what thermometer you read, it was either 102 or 106. My run turned into a walk but forward motion, right? Plus, I have adjust to the heat at some point. A friend actually saw me out, and was confused by both my walking and the fact I was outside in that temp. I only saw one other person outside the entire time I was out there. Ha! 3 miles

So, still not a lot of miles but an overall improvement on the entire year, really. Now the question is can I repeat it?

How was your week?

26- Fade

Remember when we thought 2020 was going to be so awesome?

I take it all back.

My poor little town needs a break. Fire is a common occurrence out here, very common but I wasn’t ready for fire to come roaring out of the riverbed into the surrounding neighborhoods. And this a week after the southern part of the county had the largest fire we’ve seen in years. All homes were saved in the southern fire, not the same can be said for our small town. There was another midsize fire over the weekend too. Which again is sadly normal.

And for the love of Pete, stop it with the fireworks!

Ok, running…

Monday was lost to fire, and Tuesday was pretty smokey too.

Just cuz she’s cute..

Wednesday turned into a tilt-o-whirl. Is that what those things are called? The day started out normal but turned south just before lunch. The world started spinning and it didn’t want to stop. I ended up leaving work early which is something that does not come easily to me. I then slept the day away.

The tilt-o-whirl then left me fuzzy for a few days. At least I know it was migraine related but that does make 2 world spinning trips in the last 5 months and that is not normal.

My weekend was spent mostly napping but I did drag myself out for a sluggish 5K on Sunday. My heart rate throughout those short miles let me know I was still a little rough. And a lot out of shape. So it makes total sense that I just signed up for a mileage challenge right?

Ha!

How was your week?

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