Category: Stomach

Not Ok

When your doctor sounds completely bewildered by your test results it means one of two things. Either it’s time to find a new doctor or you’re just extra special. I haven’t quite decided which one to think yet. Maybe both.

If you’ve been reading for a while, you’ve heard me whine, moan, complain about my stupid stomach. Actually I usually call it something much more colorful, it has a few nicknames. Speaking officially, it’s gastroparesis with a side of GERD. Or is that the other way round? GERD was diagnosed about 12 years ago, and gastroparesis about 5. It was all handled pretty well until June 2014. Things since then have been one giant flare. Which has brought on numerous tests, multiple medicines and some more dietary restrictions. Yay. I’ve run too many medicated races in the last year+. Not ok.

I’ve tried to not complain too much on the blog in the past couple of months but I think I failed. I have been quiet about how rough things have become. My left side pretty much aches all the time. I’ve been retaining water, air, something- who knows- to the point that I look puffy and swollen most of the time. And people have started to comment on it. I’ve been waiting for someone to ask when I am due since half the time I look pregnant. Trust me, I’m not. But my new stretch marks say differently. Any pictures you’ve seen recently have all been taken from very odd angles to try to hide it. I am once again living in dresses. And my running shorts have turned almost scandalously short. Not ok.

It also finally clicked that my side is affecting my sleep. I may be a night owl but normally when I do fall asleep, it’s next to impossible to wake me up and I always stayed in the same position. Curled up on my left side, always. I’ve tried to sleep in other positions but always ended up back on my left side. I haven’t been able to sleep on my left side in months. Grrr. Oh and my side talks. Seriously everyone at work has heard it. Sometimes it sounds like a whale. At least that’s what a coworker used to say. Other times a plane. And not in the I’m hungry, let’s growl way. It moves too. Yay me.

So when the doctor ordered another CT scan, I was torn about it. As much as you want answers, you also don’t want anything to be really wrong. It’s kind of a catch-22. I’ll also say that the results could have been so much worse. But words like collapsed and mass are not things you want to read on a medical report. Or hear from the doctor who sounds completely confused. So now I wait while they are requesting yet another test to try and figure out what is going on. But I can’t just wait.

I haven’t had the best luck with Atkins. Partly because it was a little tricky and partly because I cheated too often. It was an interesting 3+ months. I also didn’t like that a lot of the options that were “low-carb” had an ingredient list 5 miles long. And most of them were words I couldn’t even pronounce. Also, I can not get into Quest bars, I don’t understand the fascination with them. That consistency is just odd. It was a little too easy to eat crappy food as long as it fit within my carb limits for the day. If you ask my mother, Atkins made me worse. My side’s hurt longer than that so not true. She also questions if I should be running at all. Doc didn’t say to stop but I also didn’t ask. I figured I would stick with 3 days running and slow down my easy runs. That’s not a lot.

So for plan b (or is it plan f now?) I am wading into the Paleo waters. I’ve mentioned it in passing before but never followed through. Now I am really going to give it a try. Baby steps, but I am going to try. The plan was to start this week but if you read my last post, you know I cheated more than few times last week. Instead I started this week with the Slacker version of a reboot. Starting Sunday, breakfast and lunch were all fruits and veggies via smoothies. Dinner was usually more veggies. It was surprisingly easy. Except for Wednesday night, I had a serious case of the munchies. All I wanted was cake or ice cream. Seriously, if the fair wasn’t in town and making traffic crazy I might have headed to the donut shop. Thankfully, it passed. I wasn’t expecting miracles but I don’t feel worse, maybe just a little more even. So, I’m calling it a win. My mother told me I looked less puffy today. 😉

On another note, since last week I’ve cut my Diet Coke intake in half. Slacker say what?! Normal for me was 2 a day. Now those 2 were 32 oz. One in the morning and one around 2:30. I only drink soda at work or when I’m eating out. I don’t even buy it for home. Combine those sodas with my usual over indulgence in water and I drink a lot of liquid throughout the day. 😃 I still commute so I added black coffee in the morning to keep me alert. Baby steps, right? I don’t think I will ever give soda up completely. It’s my one vice. Seriously, it tastes amazing after a race.

Now my challenge is to get through the weekend without backsliding too much. I also need to double check my list for my first paleo grocery trip this weekend. I can do this right? Can I get through cookie Friday?! Will this help? I have no idea but at least I am doing something while I wait. I’m not even aiming high, I would like to follow the 80/20 rule with this new plan. Mostly because pizza, and the previously mentioned Diet Coke.

Thanks for listening to me whine.

Any Paleo tips?

What’s your vice? What one food could you not give up?

Running on Atkins

On March 30, on doctor’s orders I started the Atkins diet. Yes, I know exactly what you’re thinking- “but, wait, all the yummy carbs!’. Ok, now I want a donut. Anyways, moving on. I may have spent one last weekend indulging in all the things I was about to lose. 🙂 I also bought one of the books, the newer ones- The New Atkins Made Easy. The original book was published back in 2003 and from the free preview I downloaded online, it read more like a science book. I didn’t want or need all that- I didn’t need to be convinced, I was doing this because I was told to.

If you’ve been reading awhile, you’ve seen me talk as nauseuam about my stomach and it’s stupid-ness (gastroparesis). This is not the first time I have been told to limit my carb intake, however this is the most severe it’s been. But as this current flare up has now gone on for almost a year, I made a sad face and told the doc I would do my best.

So in brief- Atkins is a lifestyle change that believes that a lower carb intake will help weight loss and help with some recurring or long term conditions. This is where my doc comes in. He suggested it, so I figured I would give it a shot.

Atkins has 4 phases-

Phase 1- Induction- 20g carbs
Phase 2- Ongoing Weight Loss- 25g-50g- for some people higher
Phase 3- Pre-maintenance 60-70g
Phase 4-Lifetime Maintenance 80-100g

For perspective- the normal recommended intake for carbs is 180-300g.

At each phase, you can add in more foods that were previously restricted. Like fruit and some starchy vegetables among other things. Now Atkins is primarily geared towards weight loss, I didn’t really care about that so I started at the higher end of phase 2. Now I won’t complain about weight loss if it happens but that is not the end goal here. My goal was to aim for an average of 40-50g per day allowing 2 cheat meals a week that should not send my daily limit over 100. If I stuck to that, my weekly average would be around 64g of carbs. Why cheat meals? Because Pizza. I cut way back on the pizza intake but I am not cutting it out completely.

That's real food, maybe I can do this — That’s real food, maybe I can do this

I read the whole book but was slow in finishing it so sometimes I was a little misinformed. Like the time I was so proud during family dinner because I substituted broccoli for the pasta in Spaghetti. Too bad I didn’t realize that the sauce could hide a ton of carbs! Oops. It took me a while to join the website. But since it actually confuses me that’s not such a bad thing. I downloaded the app but really just stick to the Lose It app for keeping track of daily carb intake. I also decided to keep some notes about this little experiment was going.

Week 1-

Didn’t do the best grocery shopping, snacking is kind of hard. Also dinner is hard but not as hard as I thought it would be. I had a moderate headache for the first few days. Running felt hard but doable, so I just tried to take it easy. I was so tired, I had thought about cutting back on soda this week too but there is no way I would have made it through the week. It kept me from becoming a crazy person. I think I figured out how to eat out most everywhere except Mexican food. Friday night was an accidental/ intentional cheat at Taco Bell. I am usually not a fan but they had a new item that was pretty good but super carb heavy. Oops! In plus news, I dropped 5 pounds in 4 days. Not the point of this whole experiment but interesting none the less.

Weekly Average- 72g- not too bad

Week 2-

Started off so much better. I did a better grocery shopping the prior weekend so I felt more prepared. Monday and Tuesday were great, on track counting wise. Wednesday evening was my first weekly cheat meal but that was fine. What was not fine was the cheating on Thursday evening, Friday evening, all Saturday and Sunday lunch. Umm, yeah that was bad. So bad. I still had a headache most of the week but stomach wise I felt ok. I learned that if Lay’s are in the house, I have zero self control. But on the upside, I pulled off Thursday’s 11 miles on only 15g of carbs. This was the longest run since the dietary changes took places. Until this I wasn’t sure I could pull this off, let alone at the pace I did.

Weekly average- 106-going the wrong direction

Week 3-

Started the week out well, fell apart by Thursday. Why do I have such problems later in the week? I do feel like I feel better when I restrict more but it’s hard. I really want some damn potato chips. My mother asked if feeling better was all in my head and I said well that would work too. 🙂

Weekly Average- 90g

Week 4-

SLO race week. This was a problem. I felt conflicted between following the new plan vs the common consensus of carb loading prior to a race. I couldn’t decide what would be better. In the end I consumed more carbs than the past few weeks and it was not a good idea.

Weekly Average- 130g– Ouch

So that was month one. Even knowing that I need to buckle down and really commit to this to see if it helps, week 1 of month two has been a failure. I do fine while at work. I have actually started eating breakfasts again, I figured out snacks and I look forward to my lunches. I figured out how to eat at most of the restaurants I frequent. Even pizza, replaced a large pizza and bread sticks to share with a medium pizza and a salad to share.

This is awesome, have no idea where it came from but I want it.

I start each week with resolve but stumble hard by the end. Last week, cookie Friday proved too much temptation. I hadn’t really had many since Christmas but Friday I ate way too many. Ugh. I think the diet is helping but it’s hard to tell since I have no follow through by the week end. I have a little less than 2 months before I go back to the doctor, so I really want to try and stick to it to see how it goes. Plus I don’t have a half until mid July at the earliest, so now would be the time to figure this out. Beside the other alternative is some heavy duty antibiotics that will break the bank if my insurance doesn’t always kick in like they have warned me. Expensive like the cash price could be a down payment on a car. 😦 So Atkins and I need a little more time together. 🙂

So, thoughts?

Any tips on how to stick to this?

Ever have to restrict something?

2015 SLO Marathon Recap

I ain’t even mad, bro.😀. Actually my new motto might be “just hang on”. But before we get into that, let’s talk about the expo real quick.

The Expo-

Expo haul- love the ambassador shirts this year!

Saturday dawned rainy and windy. Those running the 5k ran in the rain. The rain had cleared by the time I arrived to pick up my packet and attend the ambassador meet and greet. Picking up my packet was super easy and I wandered around the expo before heading out to the meet. I was there less than 10 minutes before I spent money at the Lorna Jane booth. Oops, but since that was the only thing I bought, I think I showed restraint!

raceSLO Ambassadors!!

The meet up was outside and it was so damn windy, I thought we were going to blow away. It was nice catching up with the repeat ambassadors from last year and meeting the new ones. A few of them I had been trying to meet since the Ventura half. It was so windy and cold that after chatting, getting our shirts and taking some pics, we all scattered to do our own thing. I headed home to rest a bit and figure out food. I had been having a mental struggle all week, going back and forth between following my new diet rules or following conventional running wisdom. Spoiler- I chose wrong.

The Race-

Sunday was supposed to dawn cold and windy, so I tried to prepare for that. I didn’t feel like I got enough sleep and my stomach was cranky but neither of those are new things on race morning so I didn’t pay too much attention. My mom was dropping me off so I didn’t have to catch the 4am bus to the start. I got to the start with 15 minutes to spare so I figured I would hit the port-a-potty line just to be sure. The lines were huge. By the time I got out of there, they had moved the corrals up to the start line, oops.

Miles 1-5- 9:25, 9:14, 9:20, 9:36, 8:31

The whistle blew and we were off- sort of. I ended up starting behind the 2:45 pacer. Rutro. My fault but the first mile and a half were spent bobbing and weaving. I dropped the 2:45, 2:30, and 2:15 pace groups when I decided I just needed to run my own race and not worry about catching the 2:00 pace group. In one way it was freeing not having to worry about keeping them in sight. It meant I had to pace myself and while I knew breaking 2:00 was unlikely, I was feeling strong and thought I could PR- sub 2:05.

We hit the first of the long hills and I still felt good going up. Last year at this time I was already sucking air and tiring out. Thanks to all the weaving I did at the start, my Garmin and the mile markers didn’t match so I just checked my total time at each of the course markers. I was feeling pretty good as we the flat section before turning up another long climb.

Miles 6-8- 9:36, 11:25, 9:29

About a 1/4 mile into 6, my stomach started to make itself known. I began to wonder if I was going to have an issue. But wasn’t even the biggest thing to happen that mile. Maybe it’s because I was focused intently on telling myself I was fine and not paying attention to much else, but the next thing I knew, I was airborne.

It’s still kind of blur but I remember hitting the ground and rolling. My water bottle ended up about 10 feet down the course. WTF?! About 5 different runners stopped their race to come help me. Some helped me up while one chased down my bottle. A bike medic was there in seconds. I was kind of in shock/ denial, so I honestly don’t remember if I thanked all of them. I posted a big shout out to them on my Facebook page but I feel bad if I didn’t say it right then. 😔 I assured the medic I was ok and kept running. It was few yards later that it all set in and then I was trying to talk myself out of hyperventilating myself into an asthma attack.

Eventually I calmed down and I was still on track to PR. Halfway through mile 6, my stomach let me know that I needed a bathroom and I needed it now. There were no bathrooms at that point. I had to start walking because it was either walk or embarrass myself. I walked the rest of 7 just taking deep breaths. I felt a little better by the turn around so I picked up the pace. I said goodbye to the PR hope but knew I could still beat last years course time even with the fall and the walking. At mile 8, I was 4 minutes ahead of a last year.

Miles 9-11- 13:01, 9:48, 9:54

Around 8.5, my stomach reared again. I was near an aid station so I looked for bathrooms. I finally found them off to side and back away and bolted for them. Not sure if I looked urgent or if he did this the whole race but there was a volunteer who directed me to which port-a-potty was open. Thank you!

After that snafu, I was back running but had slowed a bit. Shockingly enough I was still on track to beat last year’s time. I just had to stay under a 10:00 pace the last few miles. My legs felt strong; bruised and bleeding but strong. My mental game still felt on point as well. Despite the morning so far, I wasn’t defeated and I wasn’t giving up. We had a nice decline portion before we went from the roads to the railroad trail. I knew there was the suspension bridge and a few streets left before the finish line and I was still hopeful.

Miles 12-13.1- 10:37, 12:49, 2:17

Mile 12 slowed some towards the end thanks to my stomach again but I thought if I could a 9:00 for the last mile and sprint the .1, I could still pull this off. I shouldn’t have gotten cocky. My stomach threw a fit in the last mile. Why are there no bathrooms at mile 12.5?! Ha! There were 2 times I had to get myself completely off the road, out of the way and just stand still, focusing on deep breathing and calming my stomach. My fastest pace was now a jog but I was mostly walking.

It felt like more than 100 people passed me in that last mile. Including the 2:15 pace group. The last .25 mile is a paved path that goes around the pavilion at the Madonna Inn and I had been looking forward to sprinting it. I walked 90% of it before jogging across the finish line. Half marathon#12 done.

Finish- 2:15:07

Where I wanted to sprint

Once I crossed the finish line and got my medal- which I feel like I fought for!- I was looking for a bathroom. I had wanted a finishers picture but the line had about 50 people in it and that was just not going to happen. I also should have stopped at the medical tent but I had other priorities. Plus, my arm warmers had done a pretty good job of drying the blood.

My mother found me fairly quickly and we headed for the back of the pavilion where the port-a-potties and UPS trucks (bag check) were. After that, I made it as far as the grass by the trucks and just tried to calm my rolling stomach. I wanted to try to find some of the ambassadors and see how they did but was just not up to moving. I had eaten nothing and had drank very little throughout the race as I knew my stomach was just not up to it. I let myself have a bit of the chocolate strawberry protein smoothie that Jamba Juice made for the finishers. It tasted like a Frosty. 🙂 We ended up leaving not long after that, I was feeling rough again and couldn’t handle another port-a-potty, so we headed to the McDonald’s down the street. Real bathrooms and I got an ice-cold Diet Coke. Oh the magical healing properties. 🙂

Like I said at the beginning, I am not mad or even sad. There were quite a few times throughout the race where I could have said screw it and bailed or phoned it in (see Ventura) but I knew I was stronger than that. My legs were feeling fresh, tumble not withstanding, my head was in the game and I was determined. I think that’s one thing that came out of my McMillan training plan that I wasn’t anticipating- the confidence. I knew I could I do it, and I still honestly believe that if it hadn’t been for my stupid stomach, I would have PR’d, hills, fall, headwind and all. Yes, the wind had picked up and was pretty bad but by that point it was the least of my concerns. 🙂 So with everything that race morning threw at me, I am damn proud of that 2:15.I love this race. I love the course and the crowds. The expo is still my favorite and the volunteers and staff are amazing. Seriously, I think the bike medic was there before I stopped rolling. I am already looking forward to next year.

Ever fallen while running? This was my first time.

What race/ run are you really proud of?

Well, that wasn’t the plan

Even though the extreme pain of Thursday evening eased, I still felt sore on Friday. Sore isn’t really the right word but it’s the closest thing to describe how my left side felt on Friday. I didn’t pay much mind to it throughout the day. Partly because the day was too damn busy and chaotic and partly because I figured it would go away by the end of the day. When the text messages start coming before your alarm, you know the day is going be a little rough. But eventually it was over and I was looking forward to a weekend of running and maybe a little shopping.

Saturday morning was a fundraiser for my mom’s tennis team. They were completing a walk-a-thon and each boy had to walk or run or crawl 20 laps on the track. One boy brought a unicycle! They had a few hours in which to do this so my original plan was to run to the school and then complete my 12 miler on the track with them. When my alarm went off, I could still feel that odd soreness before even getting up. So I chose to sleep a little longer and then just head straight to the school. I figured I would get in as many laps/ miles on the track that I could. They had the track for 3 hours, I was still hoping I could get in 10-12 miles. I didn’t really think they were going to be there that long and I was right about that. However I was overly optimistic about my goal.Running hurt. I walked a few laps and tried to run one. Ouch. Walked a few more and tried running another one. Still ow. Ok, fine I get it. I walked out the remainder of laps. So 5 miles walking done. I still hoped to try and run later in the afternoon. I ran a few errands and then had the afternoon free. I could have/ should have run but instead I took a nap. Naps are training right?

I’ve been doing the math and realized that if my Wave Rider’s wear like they usually do, I will need a new pair before the SLO Marathon. Even if they did hold up through April, I would be running the race in very worn down shoes. I’ve been hoarding the gift card I got along with my Heritage award for just this purpose so today called for a trip to SLO. My mom and I headed down for a day of shopping, yummy food and hopefully a good hike to end the day.

The weather was awesome and the food was yummy as always. My stomach was not cooperative for a hike, however. This was more of the usual though and less of the odd soreness. Which is probably partially my fault. I start a new diet with lots of restrictions tomorrow so I may have indulged a little too much this weekend. Oops, but not really. I had to say goodbye. 🙂 So the hoped for hike didn’t happen. I did clear 10,000 steps on my Fitbit though and that is only the second time I have done that outside a day with a run. Yeah, I need to work on that. 🙂The highlight of the shopping was the new shoe purchase. Aren’t new running shoes always the best? I knew exactly what I wanted to try on so that made it fairly easy. Per usual, the Running Warehouse was packed on a Sunday afternoon. There were already numerous people being helped and a few waiting. I checked out all the pretty shoes while waiting. So very many colors! I guess being a familiar face is helpful because one of the employees was able to grab the shoes I wanted to try while he was getting another customers. Score! I tried the Wave Rider 18 and Wave Inspire 11. I still love Mizuno. 🙂 I had 2 pairs of Wave Inspire 9’s that I loved but just could not get behind the 10’s. I never even bought a pair they felt so off. I’ve been in the Wave Rider 17 ever since and am on pair 3. I was nervous I wouldn’t like the update for the 18. I liked the fit and feel, nothing felt too different, I just liked the feel of the Inspire’s better today. In fact the only real issues I had with both pairs was deciding which to buy and the shoelaces. The laces seem short, so I may be changing those shortly. It’ll be interesting going to back to a support shoe after being in neutral for so long but I think it may be a good thing. I picked my shoes and was in and out of there fairly quickly, double score! Now I just can’t wait to take them for a run!

And I need to get back on track with training. This was not a shiny week, it happens right?

How was your weekend? Did you race? Or run?

Shoelaces? Do you like them longer or shorter?

Nonexistent Bridges

Ever have one of those days where it’s all just off? Nothing wrong, nothing bad happens but it’s still off? I think I have had one of those days brewing for a while. And it was set off by a dress this morning. Disclaimer- this is longish and disjointed.

If you’ve read “My Story” page you know my mother and I set about getting healthy and losing weight back in 2012. If not, skip it as I really need to update it- which is why I’m not linking it. That was the first time I ever really dedicated myself to getting fit; granted it was the competitor in me that kept me going in the beginning. Growing up I was a stick, like seriously, turn sideways and you lost me. However it was the wrong decade for that to be in fashion, so I remember a lot of digs about my lack of curves. One year, our team tennis skirts were handmade by some lady. She measured us in public on the tennis court saying the dimensions out loud. Yeah, that was fun. One girl laughed and another responded by saying that everyone else would be a normal size while I was measured. Whatever. I ate like a bottomless pit so that apparently redeemed me when we went to Carl’s Jr after every away match. Oh and lunch everyday was fries and Dr. Pepper. Occasionally a malt. Does anyone remember those? I only ever saw them in the school. I’m not a fan of chocolate ice cream but man those were good.

Senior Year, please ignore the tennis ball on the side

Then came the combination of growing up, a slowing metabolism, less physical activity, oh and let’s not forget Taco Bell. Managers ate for free. 9 years of free food, however I wanted to make it, 5 days a week, more than one meal. Yeah, you can guess how that went. My stomach was a jerk even back then, so I wore the guys uniform pants which made it easier to live in denial as well. Oddly though, I don’t remember ever really thinking about the 60+ pounds that I had put on. Like I said- uniform denial.

Then I started working with my current employers. I had to wear real clothes! Which meant shopping and realizing that maybe I could lose a few. I naively hoped that no longer having access to tons of free food would take care of that. Ha! I didn’t take into account that while my new job wasn’t exactly sedentary it was a drastic cut back from 10 hours of standing, walking, cleaning, lifting 40 lb boxes every day. I was also suddenly introduced to baked goods. Who knew brownies tasted so good? I had a new coworker who was an amazing baker. To this day, she still makes my favorite chocolate chip cookies. A couple years of half-assed, yo yo dieting followed, that included another 20 lbs gained then lost. I started running. Nothing seemed to click until late summer 2012.

Second Wine Country 1/2 - 30lbs over goal? — Second Wine Country 1/2 – 30lbs over goal?

I don’t know if it was the slight competition with my mother or if I was finally just over it. By making healthier choices and upping the exercise, we both succeeded this time, I hit goal weight in January 2013. Sweet! Truthfully, I think I felt the best that year, health wise, stomach wise, running wise and just comfortable in my skin. Let me be clear that my goal weight was not some ridiculous insane number -I lost 40 lbs.

The pops again! — FYI- Pops is wearing the same jacket as the above picture

I kept it off for all of 2013 but put on 5 around Christmas. Not a huge surprise, no big deal, I’ll just lose it again. Right? I upped my running in the beginning of 2014 but the weight would just not leave. I admit that part of the problem was a new “what the hell” attitude. For example- ” I just ran 10 miles, I can totally have that pizza”. Seriously faulty logic. An odd note- I never liked pizza until I lost the weight. I only ever ate it as a last resort, now I love it. Weird right?

Then June came along, and my stomach threw its temper tantrum. And it’s been a looooooong tantrum. More reinforcement for the faulty logic- if everything makes me sick, guess I should eat whatever right? Now on good days, I am up 10 lbs, on bad days up 15. Yes, I can fluctuate more than 5lbs on ~~an hourly~~ a daily basis. Stupid stomach.

I think it's weird how somedays I feel skinny and somedays I feel like a busted can of biscuits. — source

It pisses me off but I can’t seem to get out of my own way. I’ve cut back on sugar, soda, and pizza. I’ve upped the fruits and vegetables. I have a stand up desk. I quit cookie Friday. Like cold turkey- none on Fridays. Barring the flu incident in January, my running has been more consistent 3-4x a week. And still the scale doesn’t move. Oddly enough, my gastro told me I looked skinny at my last appointment. We bickered about it for a bit. Muscle does not weigh more than fat- a pound is a pound. And trust me, this is not muscle.

A dress made me cry this morning. I had an important meeting at work- all the managers and executives- and I had planned my outfit for a week. Then I put it on this morning. I wore it not too long ago. The weight is different this time. It’s all in my bottom half and things don’t fit right. I wonder if it’s part of what is slowing me down running wise. Then I wonder if that is just an excuse I am telling myself. Maybe I just won’t get faster. And round and round we go. Then there are days like last Friday where something sets me off and I eat too many donuts. More bridges to nowhere. It’s not even the number on the scale really. It’s how I feel.

In fact, I am not sure where this post is going. Maybe I just needed to vent, maybe I am looking for advice, maybe commiseration. I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while but never followed through. Maybe this is my way of burning bridges that lead nowhere- a trip down memory lane and some venting.

So…thoughts? Did I even make sense?

And a light-hearted one- Ever disliked a food for most of your life then suddenly love it?